My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
