I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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