420 ftw
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
