Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
