The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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