I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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