it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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