left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dicks are not precious.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
