Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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