Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
