her vagina looked like bernie madoff
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
