I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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