I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
