I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
