Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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