I think my fart just growled at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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