Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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