Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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