I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
