went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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