I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just pee around me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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