your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
