Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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