i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
