nutella sex= disaster
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
