I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
