Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
