why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
