3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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