The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
