**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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