so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The air was thick with penises
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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