Whod you bang
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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