i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
