How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
