I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
