You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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