I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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