On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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