Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize