I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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