she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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