If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
