Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
