I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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