my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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