the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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