Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
