You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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