I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
