i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
