Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
