stop calling my apartment porn island.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
