he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
