Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
