Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
soo... how was my night?
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