there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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