Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
