God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
