he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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