Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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