im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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