I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
