I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
