Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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