I'm eating all of the evidence.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
