I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
