I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
