She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
