he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
