just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
