you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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