I love having hate sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
