then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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