i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
