You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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