Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
