So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
