I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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