Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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