btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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