Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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