i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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