i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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