you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
