He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh god it's open bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
