I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
