My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
