It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
