dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
