I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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