My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
